QUESTION:

I have a 29 month old, very spirited son!  I love him to death, but get frustrated easily.  I hope to be able to find support and ideas from your site.  My husband is a support so this helps as I know that isnt always the case.

I am 27 weeks pregnant, and am praying that this child isn't spirited.  Am I awful?

REPLY:

I can only share my story w/ you.  I was so overwhelmed those first few weeks after his birth and was terrified of having another anytime soon.  For me that feeling lasted until he was almost 3yo.  We've now been trying for another on and off for 2 yrs. now and are certainly hopeful it will happen sometime this year (he's now 4.5yo).  There are still days when I wonder how I'd handle another...other days I long to find myself in that very situation.

For a long time it seemed that everyone I knew w/ a spirited child kept having more!  Then a very close friend of mine had her 4th (now 15yo, 11yo, 3yo & 11mo).  The first and 3rd are spirited, the 2nd and 4th very mellow.

There seems to be an almost magical shift that happens when they turn 3.   Life somehow gets easier because the steps you need to take become clearer.   Or maybe it's just because they're talking!

If you do have a second spirited child, it's unlikely that they'll be spirited in exactly the same ways as each child's temperament combination is so unique.  You won't be given any more than you can handle - and that includes opportunities for growing.

Do you meditate or spend a bit of time each day by yourself?  If you do, take a few moments each day to visualize life after your baby is born as a peaceful, fluid transition that will have it's own life and rhythm.   Visualize life now with your son, not as it is, but as you'd like it to be.   Our sensitive children pick up on even the most subtle nuances to our behavior.  If you're worried, he'll pick up on it, displaying it in ways that might not even be connected.  The more centered and happy you can be, the more he will be.

That said ;o), it's still a challenge.  Finding support is critical.  A great online group can make an enormous difference - one in real life even more.  I wish you luck in finding the place where you feel community.

You're going to be just fine :o)