Nurturing Our Spirited Children

"What do you feel is the most important piece of parenting advice you can share with another parent?"
These wonderful responses are from parents of spirited/high-needs children.

• In the heat of an intense conflict, silence is golden. Words often hurt unintentionally when emotion runs high. We create our own sign language to communicate and redirect our energy. A squeeze of hand, a specially named hug, or a change of seating help both parent and child to cool down and regain self-control.
  
  
• Listen and share with other parents of spirited kids! DON’T let parents of “easy” children make you feel inadequate or guilty, as if you had done something wrong to make your child what he/she is. They do not and cannot understand, nor should you expect them to. Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you and your child … and when you’re not sure what that is, take it one step at a time and it will come to you! Enjoy your unconventional child in unconventional ways – free yourselves to be yourselves, and pooh on what anyone else thinks!
  
  
• First take a deep breath and then really listen to the words of your little one...they will reveal so much about who they are and how they really feel, and it will make them feel so important...because they are!
  
  
• *Trust* your child to communicate their needs (whether obviously or subtly), and *trust* in your gut feelings as a parent. Believe in yourself, your ability to parent your child, and in your intuition.
  
  
• Give your children warm and loving roots so they always know you love them, but raise them and yourself, for the time they fly away...it will make them better people out into the world, and help you settle your aching heart when they go.
  
  
• Listen to your heart and go with your gut.
  
  
• Always try to look at the world through your child's eyes.
  
  
• Get as close as you can - the more connected you are to your child, the more secure they feel and the easier it is to smooth over the rough spots.
  
  
• YOU are your child's best advocate and it's important to do your best job at it (as well as being the best parent)!
  
  
• Parent by the Golden Rule: treat them as you would want to be treated...put yourself in their shoes before you make decisions etc.
  
  
• Respect them as much as you would like them to respect you.
  
  
• Accept them for who they are, not who you wish they would be.
  
  
• Always be on "their side" in some way, no matter what.
  
  
• Don't sweat the small stuff, children are born with their temperament.
  
  
• Follow your instincts ... you know your child!!!
  
  
• Always remember their age and how fleeting it is.......remember they are still just soooo young, and treat them accordingly.
  
  
• All of us as parents have the ideal in our minds, what our child is going to be like...our ideal child. Many of us, like myself, have that dream shattered with the birth of our child. But most parents have to learn to let that dream go as the years pass. Your son has know shown you he is not your ideal child, and if you keep hanging on to that, you will be disappointed in him and yourself. Let him be who he is, love him for who HE IS, not for what you imagine you want him to be. Once you start doing that, you will enjoy life with him more, appreciate him more. Begin to concentrate on him positives (my words...of which he has many.
  
  
• Choose your battles!
  
  
• Laughter is important.  When things are mounting, and I see myself reaching the limit, I try and look at things differently and sometimes I do find the humor in the situation.  :Like trying to get my daughter dressed and ready to get out the door.  Often her socks need to be turned inside out, as the stitching bothers her, or she needs to wear a different coat, boots, whatever, as the one she just wore for days will bother her that day.  It can annoy you...yet, if you see the humor and truly laugh with your child, it eases the stress and it interrupts the moment to allow you to go on more easily with the task at hand.
  
  
• Always remember that the challenging personality traits you are living with will be great strengths when your children are adults.  Can you imagine Robin Williams as a child??  When my determined and intensely passionate children are sending me up the wall, I think of all that they'll be able to do in life.  Not only am I comforted, but I am so proud of them and grateful for their special, spirited natures!
  
  
• Whoever came up with the term "Terrible Twos" did not have a three year old!
  
  
• It all Started with a simple question, and a creative yet wise answer.
  Why are those who dance, thought mad by those who hear not the music?
  The answer:
  For it is we the dancers that Gods have bestowed their greatest gifts upon.
  The knowledge, the courage, the wisdom, to be ourselves.
  Regardless of the opinions and judgments of the multitudes who hear not the music.
  Hiding behind the petty masks of falsehoods and hypocrisies.
  Never knowing the joys of being at peace within.
  
  
• Pack a bag or backpack and carry it everywhere. As your child grows, the contents will change. Snacks, toys, books, a small blanket. The bag is essential for going anywhere with a spirited child.
  
  
• Keep small candies in the car, in your purse or in your child's bag at all times. Our family rarely eats candy but we beat the inevitable "candy fight" at the store by have small candies already available for when the issue comes up. My favorites are Pez, safety suckers or Dum Dum suckers.
  
  
• The times when I've lost my temper the most are when I was worried about what other people would think.  I was more concerned and embarrassed about their impression of us than in the feelings of my child, which I think stems from my own self-worth wound.  In realizing this, I'm better able to bypass that wound and do what's best for my child and me.
  

If you'd like to include your Words of Wisdom on our list...please email me.

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